what's not to like?

today was not a good day.

it's always hard to sit and hear someone tell you things that they don't like about what you're doing, or how you're acting. what's even worse is to sit there and listen to them tell you that they basically don't like who you are, or how you are, in general. i have a friend- and yes, i consider her a friend- who did just that today. she sat and listed off all the things that are bothering her about me and about our interaction in a mutual team/project that we participate in weekly. what hit home is that the things she mentioned are not things that i can change unless i change the very core of my personality. at the very least, i have to act in ways that are completely contrary to my nature. to please her, i have to be less "me". WAY less "me". the other alternative is to continue to be myself, knowing that i am stepping on her toes, offending her, and making her uncomfortable as a result. that isn't a good option, either. i have never liked conflict and prefer for everyone to get along. the phrase "don't worry, be happy" could have been coined just for me. because of that, i am not comfortable continuing to be a source of irritation and insecurity for her intentionally. this has left me in an incredibly difficult spot- one in which i can only be true to myself or true to someone else, but can't do both simultaneously. i hate that. i really hate that. so today, i am praying for clarity.

i just want to thank debbie, who had no idea the kind of day i had, but who met me at my jeep after work with a container of homemade chicken noodle soup "just because". no gesture could have been sweeter or more appreciated. it's nice to know someone loves me just the way i am....