don't tell me you love me

Today I had one of the most interesting experiences of my life, and it came in the somewhat mundane guise of an invitation to a friend's house for "a meal". What makes this invite different is the fact that it was an invitation to a Nepali family's home. I have never been to a "real" Nepali's house for more than a few minutes, and this family had never entertained a bideshi (foreigner) before. Add to that the fact that I speak very limited Nepali and only one of the 6 family members speaks even more limited English, and you have a recipe for interesting. I am forever grateful for the insight of a couple of American friends who came to Nepal about 8 months before I did, because they gave a few tips on what to expect and that kept me from looking like a complete idiot. Partial idiot? Well, duh.

Tip #1. "You will be the entertainment." They were spot on. My friend and her husband met me at a local intersection at 9am and we walked the rest of the way together. They live in a quiet little area about 2 miles from my flat. When we arrived, I was introduced to the entire family, and then led into my friend's bedroom where we sat on the bed. There were actually 2 beds, so I sat on the one closest to the door. Then they took out a camera and all the family members took turns sitting on the bed with me, posing for photos, while the rest sat on the other bed watching. They rotated through all sorts of combinations before we were through!


Tip #2. "They will feed you. A LOT. Plan to eat several meals while you are there, and chances are you will be the only one eating and they will gather around to watch you eat." Notice the chiyaa (tea) and plate of cookies in the picture. Those were mine. I offered to share but was told that they were mine and only mine...and every time I ate one or two, "mama" would replace them. I asked where their chiyaa was, and my friend's husband told me, "We are poor family. We have only 4 cups." And there were 6 family members, plus me. I was both humbled and very grateful for the amazing hospitality. All day long, they fed me first and fully- making sure I had enough before eating themselves. I had to be careful not to eat too quickly or clean my plate because as soon as I did, more food would appear- and in Nepal it is an insult to leave food. It is a delicate balance that I haven't quite figured out, yet.

After chiyaa and cookies, they pulled out photo albums from their wedding, as well as family photos, and we went through each of those. I got lots of practice asking questions and saying "family words". I'm happy that was lesson #2 in my language learning! After photo sharing time, we went out to the living room where we again sat on the beds (that double as sofas during the day) and they took turns having pictures taken with me.

At this point, it is about 10:30am and we are doing our best to make small talk (remember the "I don't speak much Nepali and only one of them speaks a little bit of English" thing). It is really good practice, though we are probably only getting the true meaning of about 25% of the conversation. Just when things threatened to get awkward, here came meal# 2.

The small individual plates of food in front of each person is their lunch. The table-full of food in the foreground is MY lunch. OMG!!!! Let me remind you that it is rude not to eat what is put in front of you. So, after chiyaa and about 10 cookies, I then ate a huge plate of rice, fried chicken meat, curried chicken meat, lentil soup, seasoned potatoes, greens, and a spicy "pickle" dish. They tried to give me more but I politely declined.

If I was in America, I would have expected that the visit was over- but fortunately, I had been clued in to Tip#3... "This will be an all day affair." After lunch, I was told that at 2pm, my friend's sister-in-law was coming and I was expected to be there when she arrived. They also threw me for a small loop when they asked me if I was spending the night! I managed to (I think) politely decline, but I was told that next visit would be an overnight. WOW- all day affair means all day affair. Note to self! Since we had lots of time between lunch and 2pm, I had a chance to experience Nepali "day to day" living:

Doing the lunch dishes outside

Bath on the roof, in the sun!

I wasn't allowed to help with any of these things, though I did offer. Instead, they pulled up a small stool and I just watched as they went about their daily chores. It was actually pretty intimate and I was honored to have the
chance to be a part of it.

Watering the garden with the wash water

After chores, I took my friend, her husband, and his brother to my house to get my photo albums and pictures of my family (this seemed like a good way to fill an hour or so and to extend a little hospitality of my own).

Picture time AGAIN! This time, in front of my garden.

                                                                                                                                                                                      Then we walked back to their house, where they insisted I lay down on one of the beds in the living room- and they took a picture of it. LOL. About 20 minutes later, I was fed more chiyaa, sliced apples, and coconut...and we played a board game. I have no idea the rules or what the object was, but I kept rolling the dice when it was my turn, and they kept moving my pieces around the board until they told me I won. Wooohoooo! 

























At around 4pm, I told them that I needed to be going, so guess what? Another snack. This time chiyaa, a stack of white toast, and puffed rice. I nearly waddled out the door. In the spirit of true Nepali-style hospitality, they didn't allow me to go alone. I was walked to the intersection by my friend, her husband, and his younger brother. I had to promise to come back for an overnight, as well as to accompany my friend to her mother's village on one of her next trips to visit.

I learned a lot more than I bargained for. Probably the best lesson was that words are the least powerful way to express love. Today, we proved that.

2012 resolution review- what do you think...did i keep them?!

i can't believe how fast 2012 went! it is already time to consider my new "resolutions" and review the old. i always thought those old people lamenting about how time just rockets by as you get older were exaggerating. nope! zooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.

first, let's look at last year's resolutions. the first was to implement "no lights night" once a week, and only use candles or a headlamp from 5pm on. that one went pretty well- i actually kept that resolution through may! when my roommate moved in the first of june, i didn't have the heart to tell her she couldn't use lights one night a week- at MY whim. in fairness, she'd probably do it, but i didn't want to press my luck. i need her to want to live here, since she is "plan A" for watching my  house when i move to nepal.

resolution #2 was to go on a spending hiatus during lent, not purchasing anything besides the basic necessities of food, household cleaners, toilet paper, etc... well, not only did i do that during lent, i continued throughout the rest of the year. for the first 10 months of 2012, i purchased NOTHING that wasn't a necessity (with the exception of spending money on going out to eat or the occasional movie/entertainment splurge). the last 2 months i did purchase a pair of earrings in peru and some items i'll need in nepal that i can't buy there (a northface coat, sharp knives, and a couple of long blouses that fit me) but those can be arguably "necessities", right?! not only that, i sold or donated nearly half of my belongings to make room for my roommate and her stuff, and to earn a little money for my move. so, pretty good on #2!

the nepali eating experiment was a little brutal. i have already blogged that, so won't bore you here. just suffice it to say that i completed that one with more difficulty than i anticipated. i really don't like rice!

i also managed to keep #4, which was to keep my thermostat at or under 66 degrees in the cold months. this not only helped me save money, but also helped me adjust to colder temperatures in the house. this is something i'll have to deal with in spades once i'm in nepal- there is no central heat there. at this time of year, the hospital ward gets down to 40 degrees (F) at night and not much warmer during the day. even my sleeping bag is only rated down to 45F! wow- talk about something to be thankful for here in the US! as a matter of fact, do it now. just stop, take a moment, and say a little prayer of thanks for central heat. i'll wait...

so how about 2013? what's on the resolution agenda? well, as i'm sitting here with a brown recluse bite wound that i've been battling for 20 days, a tweaked lower back from sitting cattywompas because of the bite, and a whopping cold virus, i'd say that they need to revolve around health. i am suddenly feeling my biological age and my mortality. i saw a billboard on my trip to st. louis that said "eat like your life depends on it". so wise- i need to get my healthy eating back on track. and exercise more, to strengthen my body. more yoga and meditation to ease and strengthen my mind. and guitar lessons! i have already started those. come on, some of them have to be fun!

oh- and one last one...i vow NOT to look for love in 2013. that little experiment in 2012 was a disaster (you know who you are). 'nuff said.
here we go again....

play it safe or play with fire?

i've never been good at playing it safe. this time, that may come back to bite me. i have started seeing someone and he is not "nepal guy"- meaning that i am moving to nepal to do full time mission work, and he is not. can't. not an option. absoflippinlutely not nepal guy... yet now he's my boyfriend. hey- i TOLD you this was going to come back to bite me.

i only have myself to blame. i knew he was not nepal guy when he asked me out. well, to be fair, i didn't actually know he was asking me out that first time. i know that sounds silly, but we have known each other a long time semi-socially, and i thought he just wanted to get together over a beer and discuss my latest trip (nepal, ironically) and catch up. turns out that for a "professional dater" (his pet name for me), i can be pretty naive. it was definitely a date. it probably wasn't a very fun date for him since i spent it cataloguing all the reasons we'd be a horrible match, and all the concerns i had about being associated with him in more than a casual way. i even went so far as to tell him that i wanted to avoid all the drama, and date him in private...only go places no one was likely to see or recognize us.. oh my, i was a fun one that night. believe it or not, i must have looked smashing because despite my less than encouraging feedback, he asked me out again. and again. and i kept going. despite myself, i kept having fun. i also kept telling myself that i wouldn't get attached because it's a really bad idea, especially considering the mandatory end- my move to nepal. i took solace in my "professional dater" status, knowing that i rarely get too attached and seldom go on more than a few dates with any one person. in other words, i'm cool calm and collected and am always in total control. i haven't had a long-term boyfriend in 4 years. no problem.

you guessed it. five weeks and 2 days later, i'm attached. he's handsome, nice, funny, and thoughtful. best of all, he's smitten and seems to adore me. that's a quality i admire in a man. it's a little too late to be asking these questions, but i have to wonder if this was wise. should i have played it safe and protected my heart, knowing there is a time limit to this relationship, or should i have gone ahead to experience all that this has to offer in the "here and now"? life is short as well as uncertain, and it seems sad to look so far into the future that you don't fully embrace the now. the now feels good and makes me happy, so i'm leaning toward the latter.

ask me again when it's time to leave.

answers to "how was your trip?" and other unanswerable questions

since returning home from my "vision trip" to nepal, i have had innumerable people ask me, "what do you think? was it fun? did you like it? was it an amazing experience? is that where you want to go?" i had no idea how difficult it would be to answer those questions and not sound like a raving lunatic. truth is that i am still processing the experience and my reaction to it. even as i write this, i am learning, little by little, what i think and feel about the trip and my future in nepal.

i say "my future in nepal" because regardless of my answers to the above questions, i still feel called to serve there. that isn't where my struggle lies.

my struggle lies in reconciling my experience with words like "fun", and "like", and "want". everyone expected that i'd go to nepal and i'd have this really rewarding visit and love the people, and the place, and know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where i belong. that is what i expected, too. instead, i had a trip full of challenges and obstacles, and fears that i had to face head-on. i was met with occasionally unimaginable conditions and the understanding that it was in these conditions that i'll eventually be living, no matter where i end up serving. i struggled with the knowledge that i, and everyone i know, have always envisioned me living and serving in africa. more than on any other trip (and there have been 15 since 2005), i struggled. that sounds bleak, doesn't it?

then there's the flip-side. no matter the challenge or the obstacle, there was always a way over, under, or around if i had the courage and the faith to take the path open to me. no matter how impossible the situation seemed at times, after much prayer, it became possible. no matter how inhospitable the conditions, the people met me with unparalleled hospitality- especially the other missionaries living both in kathmandu and "up the mountain". at times i felt like job in the bible, where god says to satan, "do what you want with her, just don't kill her" and satan had his way with me...testing me with spiritual warfare to see how obedient and faithful i'd really be in the face of such adversity. as a result, i felt myself getting more and more stubborn...and developed a "bring it!" attitude- because i felt that god was always there, ready to be my support and my strength when i didn't have any more of my own to rely on. while i didn't have an overwhelming sense that i "want" (on a conscious level) to spend my life serving in nepal, i DID have an overwhelming sense that it is what god wants of me- at least for now. he made a way for me there and is paving a path for me to take. he will be my strength when mine fails and he will be even more glorified by the fact that this is his agenda and not mine. i get a real sense that he has ordained this ministry and will show his glory through my uncertainty.

or i'm a raving lunatic.

so i told my story to my priest, who responded with characteristic transparency by saying that it was very overwhelming for him and he needed time to decide if i'm a lunatic or not. :) my story is overwhelming for me, too. this whole concept became really overwhelming for me as i was there living it. it hit home that i am really on the path to doing this, and that i’ll be leaving behind life as i know it back here and moving forward into a new and unchartered life. it’s not that i’ll be gone forever, even if this assignment is “permanent” -there are times of furlough and currently the plan is for me to furlough back in Lawrence for 3 months each year, instead of being gone for 3 or 4 years and then coming back for a full year…but i will be immersing in another culture and living the majority of my time in a completely different environment. i was hit with this wave of anxiety as i was standing on the street in kathmandu, surrounded by honking horns and cows in the road and dirt and trash and diesel smoke and heat and scooters and craziness….i had this almost unbearable longing for the peace, serenity, and “zen” of my life back here… and for the very first time i was truly afraid. funny, because in all of my travel trials and adventures (even in nepal) i was never really afraid. afraid of creepy spiders, yes (haha) but not afraid in any real sense. i was trapped alone in the terai with machine gun wielding soldiers and no ride, and i wasn’t afraid. i was left alone by those soldiers and left sitting in the desert heat with no ride and no cell phone and no idea what i was going to do- and i wasn’t afraid. i accidentally ventured into an army commando camp in the heart of the jungle and wasn’t afraid. i was staring into the eyes of a jackal/leopard/jungle cat on the path to my guesthouse, even then i wasn’t truly afraid. but standing there in kathmandu, envisioning what my life is to become….THEN i was afraid. i don’t think the fear has anything to do with the “wrong path”…. i don’t think it is a sign that this is not god’s will….i think it is the very real fear that i am not who i think i am (character-wise) and that i don’t have what it takes to be fully god’s. it is the fear of failing god, maybe… or the fear of not accepting this new life with enough grace…or the fear of being weak…maybe also the fear that this IS god’s path and i will be on it- alone- indefinitely... the fear that i won’t ever find that life partner that i always thought i’d find, to share in this really challenging journey… i don’t really know how to put a label on it, but it’s fear. period. the farther i get down the path, the more real it gets and the more freaked out i get. and the more excited i get, and antsy to move forward and get started. it is a constant tension between the pull back and the pull forward. yike.

how screwed up am i? you can tell me. i can take it.

sigh...

the HDCS/TEAM hospital. i'll let the pics tell the story

the hospital, as seen from inside the compound...that is a guard that mans the gate at night and keeps watch over the comings and goings of the hospital





the crowd is beginning to gather for the day, waiting to be seen in the outpatient clinic. they see about 38,000 outpatients a year!

one of the "wards". not much patient privacy, for sure- but those ARE new beds!



i guess instead of being horrified that they have to wash and re-use their surgical gloves, i should be glad they have gloves to wash

"central supply"

the ER

newborn baby warmer. recognize the warming contraption? the diffuser on the hair dryer ensures they they are warm, yet not frizzy

playing with those cute babies every chance i get!

this mom's in labor. she had her baby less than 5 minutes later

what they use as hand sanitizer- alcohol in an old urine dipstick bottle with a hole poked in the top for dispensing

hanging the xrays in the courtyard to dry. they view them here, too (as well as start IV's)- it's the best light in the hospital

typical footwear for the healthcare professionals. that is an RN on the left and an aide on the right

for more information about the HDCS TEAM hospital and all they do for the far west region of nepal, please visit their website.

the trip up- definitely a trip!

The last two days have been as challenging as the first few! The good news is that I am up in dadeldhura. I made it! Yesterday, it looked like that may not happen. My ride was supposed to come and get me at 8am. Guess what? At 9am, he still wasn’t there. Nepali time has proven to be really similar to Africa time (which means it has no bearing on actual time at all and things just happen when they happen), so I wasn’t surprised he was running an hour late- but I called my hosts in dadeldhura to let them know since they were heading to church and would be out of pocket until noon. Doug made a phone call to the driver and called back to say that the roads were closed due to the bandha and he wouldn’t be able to reach me until afternoon or evening, at the earliest. What he didn’t tell me was that he really didn’t think there was any way that I would make it up. Missionaries had been stuck in Kathmandu for weeks trying to get home, and others were stuck for weeks up in dadeldhura, unable to get down. Instead of telling me that, he said “maybe this afternoon or evening.” I settled in for a blistering hot day in my hotel room in the middle of the Terai- and an hour later, the young waiter that had been bringing my bottles of water and a roll of toilet paper on a tray (I didn’t even have to ask! After all, I brought my own) came running up the stairs shouting and pantomiming driving a car. My ride was there! He started grabbing my stuff and shoving it in my backpack while I stuffed the rest in my suitcase- and then we ran down to the car, loaded up, and literally sped off. I breathed a sigh of relief when we made it through town (we were literally the only car on the road. There were dozens of bikes and people on foot, but no vehicle traffic because the roads were still supposed to be closed.).

My relief lasted about 4 minutes, until we started our ascent up the mountain. In all the excitement of “Will I get there? Won’t I get there?”, I never once considered that the road and the drive would be terrifying. Oh, but it was. It was 3 hours (that was part of the problem, considering it should take 4 hours to get to Dadeldhura) of white knuckles and desperate prayer. It was a very narrow road that twisted and turned while it climbed to staggering heights- with sheer drops on my side of the car the entire way.  Boulders and piles of smaller rocks littered the road where they had broken free from the cliff face above and crashed down onto the road. Sometimes we came careening around a corner to find a herd of goats or cows blocking both lanes. My driver was a good driver, but a fast driver, and he passed anything we came up behind. Most of these were huge trucks crammed with people and with supplies and people riding on top, or buses that were double capacity. There was never a full car width next to them, but we passed- on that sheer drop side- every time. One bus tried to close us out and cut us off and we barely made it by.  There was one part of the road that was gone completely, along with what passed as a guardrail, and was covered only by sand. We skidded sideways when we crossed that patch. Several other patches were covered with thick jagged rocks instead of pavement and the car jerked and jutted across. I can’t believe we didn’t pop a tire. I chewed a Dramamine but it was still all I could do not to get carsick.

I will also say that it was 3 hours of some of the most spectacular scenery I’ve seen.

 It was gorgeous, soaring mountaintops and thick jungled slopes. There were terraced farms and animals grazing along the road. It was primitive and the tiny towns that dotted the road were the poorest of the poor- but it was breathtaking when I could look away from the road ahead long enough to enjoy it.

And then we were here!

BYOT (bring your own toilet paper)

today has been quite a day!

i am going to start by saying that a lot of this wasn't my fault but i'll learn from it, anyway.

i woke up this morning to more of the same- confusion as to what continued to be affected by the strike, and whether or not i'd be able to travel to dadeldhura today. my host called up to TEAM hospital in dadeldhura (DDH) to see if doug, the medical director, had news but he didn't have a definitive answer at that point. what he did have was a bus accident on his hands, and 30 patients to care for as a result. it looked like we'd have to figure it out ourselves. the plan was to leave for the airport at 1045am to catch my 1230 flight. that changed. flora, the girl i went shopping and exploring with yesterday, called and said that she found a driver who would ignore the bandha and drive us to the airport but he wanted to leave right away when it was safer. evidently, the later the day the higher the tensions. instead of 1045, we were leaving at 9:15. did i mention we got the call at about 9:05? well, guess who waited until the last minute to pack so wasn't prepared for such a hasty departure? yep....me. i shoved everything i could into my suitcase and backpack and ran out the door. there wasn't time to purchase a cell phone so we put a SIM card we'd purchased the day before into an old phone my host had at the house, and programmed 3 numbers into it. flora's, my hosts (marcy) and doug in DDH. in the car, i took out the phone to play around with it and make sure i knew how to operate it. that's when i noticed it had one battery bar. i was hoping it would last since there are no outlets or charging stations at the kathmandu airport. oh- and i don't have a charger that fits that phone. :/

we arrived at the airport. no one there could tell me if the flight would go. flora wasn't allowed into the building, so the plan was for her to wait until 1130 in the taxi. i would text "okay" if the flight was going and "wait" if it wasn't, and i needed transport back to marcy's. there are no departure screens or electronic info available. there are two desks for yeti airlines (yes, you heard that right) and you know the flight you're checking in for because they tack up a printed piece of paper with the name of the destination on it. period. no departure time, no flight number. just white paper with a name. all i could do was wait and see if my paper got tacked up. at around 11:10, the guy behind one of the desks seemed to get enough of my english that i believed he knew what he was saying when he said the flight would go. i texted "okay" to flora and sent her off.

the plane was a 2 prop deal, with no overhead compartments so your carry-ons are on your lap, and the flight attendant's seat is literally in the bathroom. you fold up her jump seat and pull this knob that says "toilet". a small panel in the wall pulls away revealing a toilet. that panel swings past you to block the view of the toilet and you hold it shut while you pee. i made a mental note never again to drink fluids before or during the flight to or from dhanghadi.

when we landed, we landed in "strike zone".

the bandha was in full effect and there were no vehicles on the road and the airport was non-functional. we disembarked on the runway and 30+ machine gun wielding officers directed us around the building to a dirt patch where they dropped our bags and told us to start walking. a man came from the crowd and told me "there is someone coming for you." that was music to my ears. i grabbed my bags and headed the 1/4 mile to the security gate with the others. just inside the gate were rickshaws and men on motorcycles to take travelers the 1-2 miles into town. i didn't see my driver, so i waited. i was told that the hospital vehicle was going to take me to DDH so that is what i was looking for. after 15 or 20 minutes, i approached an ambulance to see if he was waiting for me. he wasn't. i went back to the gate and waited some more. i chanced my battery and called marcy who called doug for me. evidently, my rickshaw left with someone else aboard. i was told that another would come for me in 20-30 minutes. at this point, it was just me and the 30+ armed officers on a road in the desert. a couple of them kept pointing down the road and saying "go" but i took advantage of the language barrier and just stood my ground, pretending i didn't understand. there were no buildings except a few rundown shacks/homes as far as the eye could see. i wasn't about to head down that road with no destination and a nearly dead battery. about an hour after the second rickshaw was supposed to arrive, i talked to doug again. he had no idea what had happened but would find out and call back. i had to tell him that at any minute, my phone could die. we agreed that no matter what, i would stay put until someone arrived that was coming specificially for me and knew my name and where i was headed. even if my phone died, he said- stay put. someone will come.

at this point, the officers left. now, instead of me and 30+ armed officers, it was just me. periodically, an old nepali woman would come and sit across from me and watch me. i would say something in english. she would say something in nepali. we would both just smile...and i would continue reading and she would continue staring at me.

then a young boy joined the fun. he was bold enough to stand right next to me and stare down at me sitting on the side of the road. he, too, would wander away and then return on occasion to entertain himself. finally, doug called back. a guy was headed my way in a blue car and he was going to take me to a hotel where i'd stay overnight. the driver said it was too unsafe to travel today and especially at night- so we'd start in the morning and head up the mountain. in about 10 minutes (2 hours after landing), a silver car arrived. yep- silver. not blue. i asked the driver if he was there for me and guess what? no english. he sort of smiled, picked up my bags, and headed for the car. i had a decision to make. i decided i had enough of sitting on the side of the road in the terai. at least for today. i climbed in the car and thank god he brought me to a hotel. that's the upside... the hotel itself is the downside. ugh.

there are stains on the sheets, stains above the beds, a toilet that doesn't flush, a bucket to pour water down the toilet that doesn't flush, a showerhead right in the middle of the room (between the door and the toilet) so you just let the water run all over the floor in the bathroom...the cold water because there is no hot...and it is BYOT. Bring Your Own Toilet paper. it is, for nepal, probably a 5 star hotel. beware- that rating system isn't the same everywhere. haha. it beats sitting in the sun in the desert, though, so tonight it will be my palace. i will eat my turkey jerky and dry roasted almonds because the rest of my food melted (even the tiniest chocolate chips can make a monster mess) and the staff here speaks less english than my driver- who spoke none. i don't think i have the energy to pantomime food prep- so jerky it is. it'll be good for me. after yesterday's shopping spree, i'm determined to be more "nepali sized" when i return.

tomorrow, we try again.

dadeldhura or bust!

good news- the bandha (strike/protest) in the far west is over.

bad news- there is a call for a bandha in kathmandu tomorrow which may effectively shut down travel routes TO the airport- and then continued bandha in the terai, which includes the area between the airport in danghadi and the road up to dadeldhura, means that even if i can get to the airport tomorrow, and can fly from kathmandu to danghadi, i may not be able to get to the road that will take me to dadeldhura.

so again, i pray and wait. i wonder what kind of lessons i'm learning here? hmmmmm.... such a mystery! haha. gotta' laugh. at this point, there isn't much use in doing anything else. i have always preached to my mission teams that flexibility is the single most important characteristic they can have. now it's time for me to put my money where my mouth is.

it was a good day here in kathmandu. flora, a really sweet nepali, took me on a sightseeing and shopping mission. we rode in a micro (the name of the minivans that can comfortably seat 8 but transport as many as 24 people at a time to destinations around the city), toured temples and royal courts, bought souveniers in small shops, ate veggie samosas (oh yum) and something that was suspiciously like fried donut holes soaked in syrup, and searched high and low for a traditional nepali outfit that would fit me. let me say here that the average nepali man is 5'4" and the women on average are 5'2". fitting me was a challenge. i started by hitting my head on the doorway of every room i entered. then, after much giggling and searching for the biggest get-up they could find, they would hand it to me and point me to a room the size of 1/2 a phone booth. inside, the ceilings were so low that i couldn't get my arms high enough over my head to put on the top, so i'd have to crouch down. then, i usually get stuck inside the top AND the room and flora would have to extricate me while the shop laughed. this was great on my ego- but did double my determination to lose some weight- and maybe 6 inches of height if i can figure that one out! haha. i did finally find a beautiful kourtas (not sure how it's spelled but that is the name of the bright embroidered top over the flowy, puffy circus pants that make up this regalia and it was in my size. we found it in the back of a darkened shop pretending to be closec because of the bandha (if you are found open, they will break your windows and trash your shop). we then took back alleys and up tiny crooked staircases to the tailor- 3 men sewing on foot operated machines and 3 ladies with children sewing by hand in a 3rd floor room in a broken down building. 




one of the men made me sleeves for my kourtas so my shoulders will be covered when i wear it in the village.

they measured my arms and then commented in nepali, while looking at me with odd appreciation, that i had the biggest most muscular arms of any woman they'd ever measured. great distinction.lol. one sewed and one interrogated me. was i married? why not? didn't i have children? how old am i? what do i do for a job? again, why wasn't i married? was i looking for a nepali boyfriend? man, they sew slowly.........haha. i felt like a bond girl. very "spy sexy".

i had dinner at the home of ...okay- i have been writing this for two day and have lost internet connection and/or power 4 times since i started- so am going to send, though it is incomplete. i'd rather get SOME info out than none. i'll keep you informed when i hear the news i'm most interested in. will i or will i not get to dadeldhura today??!!??

on a clear day you can see everest- and other news from nepal!

well, so much for the blissful night's sleep in the abu dahbi hotel. it was more like a blissful 3 1/2 hours sleep. sigh. they had this "sleep program" that came complete with a little booklet explaining all the best ways to ensure a good night's sleep (exercise, hot bath before bedtime, dark room, etc...) and both pillow spray and aromatherapy roll on essential oils to put on my pulse points to lull my brain into sleepy-land. they also had luxurious all cotton sheets and puffy pillows and a comforter. how could i NOT get a good night's sleep? well, have a person start pounding on my door at 2:30am. that's how. i still don't know who it was. i woke up to super loud knocking in the middle of the night. insistent, persistent, loud banging. i sat bolt upright in the dark, not knowing where i was or what time it was. then i came to my senses and started trying to find (in the dark) enough clothes to throw on to allow me to open the door. i heard the pounding make its way down the hall to other rooms as well. i was fumbling for light switches (which i never found) and yelling "who is it?" and "hang on!" and "what?" at the top of my lungs with no answer. the banging returned to my door. by the time i got to open it, though, the person or people who were responsible were gone. i didn't know if it was an evacuation or a fire drill, or my abducters finally arriving (joke!) but they were gone. i called the front desk who had no idea what i was talking about and sent security up to check it out. needless to say, it was tough to drift back to sleep after that. i even put some of the roller ball essential oils in my nose. nope- didn't help. rats!

the rest of the day has gone pretty smoothly. i left the hotel and said a silent prayer of thanks to god that he has NOT called me to serve him and be a full time missionary in abu dahbi, where it was already 98 degrees at 0730.

(the view from my hotel in abu dahbi)

wow. it was interesting to see once, but i don't feel a draw to spend any more time there than a layover or two. seriously, thank god for that.

(abu dahbi airport- mosaic tile ceiling with real gold)

the 4ish hour flight from abu dhabi to kathmandu was a snap after the 14 hour one the day before, and the plane was a big one that wasn't even 1/10 full, so we got to spread out and stretch out. i got to move with the window view and guess what i saw? on approach to kathmandu, the clouds were thick below us- and sticking up above the very highest clouds was the peak of mount everest. amazing. all i could think was that when people summit everest, they are nearly the same altitude as our plane. just standing outside above cloud line and even with a 747 or airbus or whatever we were on. i waved just in case they were up there and watching.


i am not usually a weeper. really, i'm not. i know i know- i cried at the ticket counter of ethiad airlines and was given the go ahead to take my ginormous backpack on against regulations, but i thought that was the exception and not the rule... evidently, i was wrong and i AM a weeper. at least on this trip. the second set of tears were ones of joy and amazement and not born of frustration or irritation- these were tears as i flew high above nepal and saw the himalayas unfold beneath me. they were tears of anticipation as i saw the villages far below, joined only by thin dirt tracks. they were tears of appreciation as i finally entered the land that god has called me to. they were tears of awe as i began to truly understand how powerfully god is moving and working in my life. i felt like destiny was there to greet me and the emotion of that was overwhelming. in some strange but not small way, i feel as if i'm home.

my bags are here!! my bags are here!! that made me very happy since my theory was wrong and day 3 in the same clothes wasn't more fun than day 2. i now have a completely different skirt on and have changed underwear twice- just because i can! that, folks, has made for a very happy woman. :0)


my prayer warriors have come through for me. as i landed, i was told that the bandha (strike) will end today and we will move ahead with plans to head up the mountain to the village of dadeldhura, where TEAM hospital is located. i didn't come literally half way across the world only to be stopped short of reaching my destination. once again, walking by faith and not by sight has been rewarded. i love it when that happens.
now, as i write this, i am in the small guest house of the family i will stay with until friday when i head to dadeldhura in the "far west". steve and marcy and the girls are wonderful. warm, funny, friendly- and teaching me things like how to eat the daal-bhat (lentils and rice) with my hands. they also have a gentle giant of a german shepherd named dakota, so i feel right at home.

 (dakota!!)

so far, so goood!

there's always something, right?

i had so many witty and interesting things to write... quips about my pre-travel preparations and my "roommate is moving in while i'm gone" preparations... deep and insightful thoughts about my upcoming trip (i leave tomorrow!!)...but all of that has taken a back seat to the email that i received a few minutes ago from nepal. there is a political strike going on that has lasted 18 days and has blocked off the western region of nepal (the area where i'm headed) from the rest of the country. the roads are blocked and nothing is moving up or down the mountain. i am headed to kathmandu and from there, i will try to see if there is a way up to dadeldhura. i desperately want to visit the area that i'm called to serve. i have had to walk by faith and not by sight for so long now...i can't bear the thought of getting that close and not getting to "see" where i'm going! i will do my best to remain flexible, though, and just pray that god has me where he wants me and where he needs me. the hospital is running out of diesel fuel to run the generator. here is an update from the medical director at the hospital there:

Please pray with us.  We are on day 15 of a bandh (general strike) here in the Far West of Nepal.  There have been no supply trucks coming in from the lowlands – where most of the food, and all of the fuel, medicines, and supplies are brought in from.  Vehicles have not been allowed to be on the roads.  Starting a few days ago, all of the shops and offices here have been shut down as well.  Usually bandhs do not last this long and are not this severe; but because the deadline for the Nepali constitution is coming up in a couple weeks, various political groups are staging bandhs across the country (to put pressure on the government). 

Patient flow at the hospital has dropped significantly due to the roads being closed.  The hospital has a back-up generator for when the power goes out (which happens for hours every day here), but since there have been no supply trucks to bring diesel up here, we will only be able to run the generator there for an hour a day.  No one knows when this bandh will end – it might last for another couple weeks.  If the protestors do not allow supply trucks to come up the mountain soon, we will eventually run out of needed supplies at the hospital.

Our family is okay for now – we still have food in the fridge and in our pantry, and some greens growing in our garden.  But most people here do not live with that kind of margin.  There is some local produce grown here, but not enough to sustain the whole population here for very long.  Because of the bandh, many people have not been able to go to work and earn money to feed their families.  Given that the average yearly income in the Far West is less than $200, being out of work for a few weeks hits many families very hard.

Please pray for Nepal and that this bandh will end soon.  The situation is not violent here, so we do not fear at all for our safety.  But tensions are high across the nation as the constitution deadline approaches.  God only knows how many people have suffered because of this.  We will try to update you all when we can.

so- tomorrow i head out to see my future. my prayers are that i get to see it up close and personal, and not from half a country away. bon voyage!

oh YAY!!!! oh CRAP!!! oh YAY!!!!....



watch what you wish for, right?

that old addage that you had better be careful what you ask for because you just might get it has come to my mind more than once over the past couple of weeks. i have finally gotten the only thing that i truly want (for myself) and that is the opportunity to be a full time cross-cultural medical missionary. last week, i was notified that i am "qualified and accepted to be a full time missionary" with an organization called TEAM (The Evangelical Alliance Mission). they have been around since 1890 and are in 40 countries. for me, it is the best of both worlds. they are a faith based organization whose mission is to spread the gospel, and they do that through service (like medical service- yay!!). i can use my nursing skills and my love for god and people at the same time. for me, that's heaven on earth!                                                                                                

pictures are taken from HDCS-TEAM hospital website

my destination isn't set in stone, but for the past 5 or 6 months i have been dialoguing (spell check tells me that's not a word but i choose to keep it. haha) with TEAM missionaries in dadeldhura nepal. there is a mission hospital there, and TEAM has been operating it for 50ish years. they are also rolling out a CHE (community health evangelism) program that focuses on disease prevention and community based development of public health initiatives in impoverished countries. that is where my heart lies- in promoting wellness and not just stomping out illness. this region of nepal has a very high malnutrition rate, and still struggles with diseases like TB and leprosy.



This is Deepak. Because of the presence of TEAM hospital and staff (and the grace of God), Deepak was given a chance at life- and survived!

it seems that there is a place there, for me, if that is where i want to serve. i always envisioned myself in africa, but my prayer was that i open myself up to god's will and pursue his agenda and not my own. this is the path that cleared, as a result. in may, i will go there to do a "vision trip" and see if the fit seems like a good one in person as well as on paper. if so, that will be my path. if not, there are 39 other countries to choose from.

i am filled with joy, with uncertainty, with excitement, and with the tiniest bit of dread. the joy, uncertainty, and excitement i saw coming. the dread surprised me a little bit. suddenly i find myself looking around at my belongings and picturing life without most of them. i look around at the faces in the hallway or meetings at work and feel a twinge of sadness that many of those faces i will never see again. i get a sinking in the pit of my stomach as i ponder relying on god and the generosity of others to sustain me and provide for things like my housing, my food, my everything. i think about the fact that i may have just signed up for a life of singleness. i know, i know...being single is good and healthy and all those other things my married friends often tell me... and if i had chosen a life of singleness, i would rejoice in it. truth is, though, that regardless of what i want in terms of marriage or a relationship, my new  vocation may take the choice away from me. that is a little harder to swallow.  life as i have come to know it sooooooo well over the past 43 years will dramatically change. that part i embrace- but i dread facing some of the demons that i know will accompany such a drastic life transformation. i will find out who i truly am. i pray that i am not disappointed to find out who that is.

this will not happen overnight. the average time from acceptance with TEAM to departure for the new country is 22 months. in the meantime i will downsize my life here, attend orientations and trainings as recommended by TEAM, make preparations, and fundraise.  if you are inspired to help or know someone who might be, please let me know. i literally can't do this alone. i need to raise all the funding to sustain me for 2 years before i go. while this is not nearly as expensive as living here in the US, there are lots of things that need to be covered- housing, food, travel, health insurance, a small stipend, etc... some people were blessed with the desire to go and do (um- that's ME!) and some were blessed with the resources, no matter how limited, to help people like me go and do. if that's YOU, please click here and you'll be taken to the TEAM giving page. At the drop down menu, select "missionaries and staff" and at the subcategory drop down, select F, Karin 011057. you can make a one time donation or a recurring one if that works better for you. of course, this is all tax deductible. please don't think any donation is too small. it will all add up- like loaves and fishes! :0)

even more important than donations is prayer. please add TEAM, their location in dadeldhura, nepal, and my ministry to your prayers. that, more than anything, is what will sustain me.

what an amazing journey i have before me...

YAY!!!! and oh CRAP!!!!!