viva el peru!

viva el peru!

before you start saying things like “what a good person you are” and “how wonderful that you’re helping people”, let’s get one thing straight- this was not a mission trip. i know, i know. i’m a bad person… but i'm a bad person with one bucket list item crossed off! once i was accepted as a missionary to nepal, i realized that my ability to just jet around the world on fabulous vacations was about to come to an end. i also realized that if i want to get to some of my bucket list items, i need to do it now. i have saved up some money just for this purpose, and this week #1 is officially completed.

 

what an experience. this was my first foray into the continent of south america and what a foray it was. peru is absolutely beautiful- not as “undeveloped” as some of the places i’ve been, but still rough enough to be up my alley. funny, but the older i get the less i want the luxury experience and the more i want to immerse myself into the true local culture and local way of life. i even feel a little “jipped” when the hotel is too fancy. not a problem on this trip. the hotels were clean and had all the amenities (well, except hot water in the second one) but still simple and unassuming.

 

the first place we stayed was below the town of cusco, in urubamba, or the “sacred valley” (in the incan language of quechua). it touted spa services and we were exhausted after 2 days of travel, so brian and i decided to book massages to relax and unwind, and prepare ourselves for hiking machu picchu. really- you need loose muscles to make that hike. we considered it a medical necessity and not an indulgence. :0)  we needed to be done early enough to get ready for our tour group dinner, so the front desk arranged for 2 massage therapists to do them- his at 4:30p and mine at 5p. when i arrived for mine, the girl met me at the door to the massage room, cracked it open, and ushered me inside, whispering, “okay, senorita. okay.” and pointing me to the table. right next to brian’s. here we were, in a tiny room that resembled a potting shed in the back of the hotel, and evidently we were getting a couple’s massage. now, for those of you that don’t know this, brian is one of my best friends. has been for 18 years. we have never, ever (nor do we plan to) seen each other naked. ewwwwwww (sorry brian- but i’m sure you will join me in that sentiment!). it would be like seeing your brother/sister naked. it’s just not necessary. so the girl backs out of the room, the guy keeps doing brian’s massage, and i am left to disrobe and crawl onto the other bed. to his credit, he kept his head turned the other way, but that didn’t muffle the snickering. the rest of the massage was pretty ridiculous. he was laying on what looked like a wood pallet with a pillow on it, and my bed was about 4 feet long. they were no more than 4 inches apart, max, and my massage therapist had to keep pushing my bed side to side to get around me during the massage. at one point she got stuck in a eucalyptus tree in the corner near the head of my bed and the rustling and sounds of a struggle nearly drowned out our laughing.  it was not the most relaxing massage i've ever had, but it was certainly the most random!

interesting little fun fact: peru grows over 3,000 varieties of potatoes. (see? i listened during the tour).

 

machu picchu. wow. if this isn’t on your bucket list, you need to put it there. it was absolutely spectacular. those incas were some truly innovative and resourceful people, and the ruins are amazing. you can only access the ancient city by foot- oh how I wish I had the time to hike in via the inca trail! there are no roads for cars or buses. we took an excursion train to the town below, a bus to the trailhead, and then hiked the rest of the way in. when we got to the top of the stairs (endless stairs), the view took my breath away. well, it could have been the nearly 8,000 foot elevation, too. either way, it is something i will never forget. as a group we had a 2 hour tour and walked the ruins. then we had lunch on our own and were left to explore. about 8 of us decided to head back up the mountain and head down the backside on a narrow mountain path that hugs the cliff face and leads to the “inca bridge”. we had to sign in and out at that trailhead and found out later that this is the area where the majority of deaths occur from plummeting  down the mountainside. i guess this is so they know where to start looking when you don’t show up at the end of the day.  the bridge was terrifying and thankfully closed. i am phobic of heights but am crazier (or more stubborn) than i am chicken, so would have found it necessary to try to cross it, had it been open. chances are i would have gotten stranded partway across, paralyzed and unable to go forward or turn around. i am SO happy i wasn’t allowed to find out. it was about 2 foot wide and made of stacked logs spanning a 20 or 30 yard long section of cliff face. cliff to the left, nothing to the right. this led to steps carved into the stone of the cliff, leading back up the opposite mountain. all of this Is about 1,000 feet above the valley/river below. i think the moment we reached that bridge was the highlight of this trip. have i mentioned that i love my life?!

  
                 

 

 

 

there was so much more to this trip that i don’t have time or space to get into, in detail… there was shopping at a market where the locals shop, eating alpaca (tastes like lamb) and guinea pig (i liked mouse better), touring ruins in cusco, visiting the “white Christ” which is a replica of the one in rio, brazil, watching shows featuring traditional dances and music, having dinner in a local family’s home, visiting a shop where they taught us how to distinguish clothing made from “baby alpaca” vs. adult alpaca or “maybe alpaca” (the baby is much softer and cool to the touch), participating in a cooking demonstration and then getting to eat the results (called causa), going to a local cemetery, witnessing a blessing by a kichwa shaman, touring the catholic cathedral, losing my credit card (ugh), doing a city wide tour in lima- all amazing (except losing my credit card). peru has a rich culture and warm, friendly people.

 

trust me. get your pencil and add this one to your bucket list.

 

oh kim, this is wrong. i should be writing this to you 45 years from now, when i'm 89 and you are (were) 97- after having danced yourself to death in the nursing home singles "mixer" on a sunny sunday afternoon. that was my plan. why do you always mess up my perfectly reasonable plans?
 

think of all the fun you can have with $107

i recently took a different job with about half the hours to help me move forward toward my move to nepal. this was a prayer-filled, well thought out change and so far it's been wonderful. i have been very intentional about using the extra time to be productive. i have studied for my missions perspective class, read my bible, weeded out clothing i'll no longer need and have taken it to the second hand store for consignment... i have read 2 of the 6 books recommended to me by TEAM, and started a bible study/mentoring program with a young woman from church. i have completed online fundraising tutorials and surveys needed before my week-long orientation in chicago next week. i have cooked and cleaned and decluttered. i refinanced my house at a lower interest rate to lower my mortgage payments so that my roommate's rent will mostly cover it while i'm gone. like i said, i have been productive.

one of the things i decided to do today was make a budget. i have never made a budget. in fairness, i have never had to. i make good money and live a very modest lifestyle. i have no debt except for my mortgage. even my jeep is paid for. i am not a "shopper"- the only money i really spend is on things like eating out and entertainment. i am never in danger of spending more than i make, unless i'm traveling. i figured that i could easily live on half my salary if i tightened the reins a little on those incidental things. over the past several months i have cut expenses even further by volunteering at the food bank (they can't give out the dented cans for safety reasons, so us volunteers get to take some home, thus lowering my food bill) and becoming a "karma yogi" which means that i clean the yoga studio for a couple of hours a week in exchange for free yoga/exercise classes. that will allow me to eliminate my gym fee too. i have started frequenting our local "discount grocery store" on days like monday, which is "monday mania" and rotisserie chickens are $4.49, and tuesday when bananas are 19 cents a pound! in other words, i have a plan!

back to the budget. i put down my average monthly costs for my mortgage and utilities. i was doing pretty well at that point. that left me with between $400 and $500 a month for incidentals. oh wait... i forgot gas. i only get 14 miles to the gallon in the jeep on a great day. better take off another $150- more while i'm driving to and from raytown for class. okay, i can work with $300 or $350. oops... the text message that just came in reminded me that i have a cell phone bill too. bye bye to another $85. so now i'm down to $225ish. omg- how did i forget about car insurance and my internet bill? after all, i'm using the internet to look up my online bill pay info. sigh. after it was all said and done, my total after those expenses was $107. i haven't even taken off for food, yet, or the extra $200 a month i will have to pay for health insurance now that i'm part-time.

moral of the story- do the budget BEFORE deciding whether or not to take the part-time job. i am not sweating it though. i will trust that god will provide. and i'm starting the "freegan diet" again. this will be good for me, right? what better way to prepare to live like a missionary than to actually live like a missionary?

p.s. yes, i will take and eat all your stuff that has expired but still doesn't smell too bad. :0)

back to online dating- just for your amusement!

so, by now you know i'm an eternal optimist. or a fool. i prefer optimist and this is my blog, so i'll go with that.

i know i've had some dreadful online dating experiences (reference past blog posts. haha), but i am always one to play the odds. odds are that it's bound to get better, right? between that assumption and a recent request from a friend to post something humorous as opposed to "deep" this next round, i decided to take one for the team and go back on the online sites. i signed up for "christian mingle" and went back to browse "plenty of fish" which was a site i frequented before. actually, that was the one where i found the guy with 2 fiancees and 19 women who thought they were his girlfriend. wow. i really am optimistic.

christian mingle is fine but a little slow. the nice thing is that it is a christian site so not everyone is just trying to "hook up". plenty of fish, on the other hand, was sending me matches of folks that i am sure i wouldn't be attracted to in real life. i am not being harsh or judgemental, but we all have our preferences and the things that we find attractive, and these didn't fall into those categories. there was an option to go to a set of profiles and "rate" the pictures so the matching software would know what i prefer and send me matches based on those preferences. well, there was one out of the first 20 that was a "hit" so i rated him high. much to my surprise, it sent him an email telling him i wanted to meet. oops! i decided to throw caution to the wind and go with it. a friend and i were supposed to meet for dinner after my KC class last sunday but she had the nerve to have a baby and canceled on me. since i was going to be dining alone and he lives in KC, i asked if he wanted to join me. he did.

the nutshell was that he was handsome, well dressed, intelligent, educated, professional, interesting, and interested. overall, a pretty darn good date! i regained my hope in online matching potential. he did try to land a kiss in the parking lot, but i'm not that kind of first date girl- so i did a polite swerve and leaned in for the hug. after the date, he texted that evening and called the next day to talk for a few minutes. today we exchanged a text or two and made plans for a phone call this evening after getting home from all the "stuff" we had planned.

then i got the other text. "hey babe, i'm good either way, but i'm going to plan on picking up food and heading over unless you tell me you want to go out."... did i mention that he was NOT heading to my house? he sent that text to the wrong girl. it was followed by "my bad. sorry."

awkward! and back to square one.

yike...

boring little update :)

sorry- no witty banter, earth shattering news, or shockers. i just thought you might want a general life update, since so much has been going on in mine lately. let's see- where to start?

i started my new job last week. i spent the week shadowing in the different areas where i'll be working (prep, procedures, and recovery in the endoscopy center) and i'm thrilled. the job seems like it will be interesting, fun, and varied, but what is even better is the morale and relationships between the nurses in the department. everyone is upbeat, positive, and willing to help each other out. the manager is fair, flexible, and a working part of the team. best of all, i will be back at the bedside and able to connect with my own patients. i had forgotten how much i enjoy that. how much i need that.

i am still single and grateful for that. with each passing day, i am more and more convinced that i'd rather be single than paired up with someone that is not a good match for me and vice versa. that's not to say that there aren't lonely moments- but they have more to do with loneliness in general than they do with missing a particular person. that's the human condition, i think. we are wired for companionship and are never quite satisfied when we don't have it. that is why we keep trying so hard to make the wrong thing the right thing (or at least i do)... because of that deep need for connection. i just need to keep reminding myself that i'd rather be single than wish i was! ;)

i preached the sermon at church a couple of weeks ago. what a trip that was! i am sure i talked a mile a minute (how odd!) but it must have been effective because i preached on "missions" and when i got done, the congregation donated $1800 into the special offering for our church missions fund. how awesome!! the downside is that they put nearly all the offerings into that fund and next to nothing into the general offering plate for the week. our priest is thinking twice about having me preach. that'll teach him!

i know a lot of you are wondering about my sister and how she's doing. thank you for the continued thoughts and prayers. this has been an awful time. she is on hospice and they gave her "2-4 weeks" about a month ago. no one knows when that time will actually come. in some ways it will be way too soon and in others, not soon enough. it is awful to say goodbye to someone you love, but worse to see them suffer. i have been asked to sing her funeral (a request i hope you never need to contemplate) and i have decided i will try. i found a wonderful friend- one who got me through singing at one of my best friend's son's funerals- to play for me, and if i choke while i'm singing she will pick up where i leave off and finish singing it for me. that's the best i can do. please pray for that. it is a gift i really want to give to our family.

that is the update...the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life. i am blessed to have all three because as hard as this life can be, it is teaching me compassion and strength and is giving me a better understanding of all that people carry on their shoulders every day. it has made me kinder and more patient. i certainly don't want to add to their burdens so i will give them a smile and a safe place to rest, and send them on their way happier than before...

...with god's help.

god and my cell phone were arguing in the grand canyon

we get messages from all sorts of places, and sometimes it's difficult to determine which ones are lying to us and which ones are telling the truth. i believe, in part, that it is our responsibility to filter them and decide which ones we will allow to speak to our hearts and whisper to us who we are. after my breakup last week, i was hoping that my trip to sedona and my hike into the grand canyon would give me lots of time to talk to god, and some time in return for him to talk to me and remind me who i am. what i am. what i should do. you know, words of wisdom from the creator that made me in his image. that's not asking too much, right?

i am not naive enough to believe that you have to trek halfway across the country and head into the wilderness to encounter god- but it sure makes it difficult to ignore him or deny him when you're surrounded by the majesty of nature and hours upon hours of solo time trekking down (and then up... forever UP) into the canyons of arizona. i planned to take full advantage of that uninterrupted time to speak to him. uninterrupted, that is, except for my cell phone. thanks to technology and text messaging, god isn't the only one to talk to in the middle of nowhere. evidently my ex can reach me there, too. and "he" did. (i should admit that i replied...every time. sigh.)

it's not that god and the ex were telling me drastically different things on the surface- it's what was being whispered to my heart that was so different. god was saying, "you're loved". "he" was whispering, "you're loved, but i love myself more". god was saying, "you're special" and "he" was whispering, "you're special, but not special enough for me to make you a priority". god was saying, "you are beautiful and valuable" and "he" was whispering, "you are beautiful and valuable, but still not worth enough for me to try to find a way to make it work". god was saying, "i miss you and want you in my life" and "he" was whispering, "i miss you and want you in my life, but only to the extent that it doesn't interfere with anything i'm doing or inconvenience me in any way. i want you there on my terms because this is about me and what i need, and not you and what you need." i should have thrown that cell phone off the south rim and into the colorado river.

ultimately, it's good that it happened. it taught me a lesson. when we broke up, there was discussion about how he likes to remain friends and keep in contact with his ex's and how i believe it's healthier (for me and my sanity, at least) to cut all ties and have no contact, unless absolutely necessary. if i am not your girlfriend anymore, i don't want to see your face, hear your voice, be told about your activities- nothing. i want to pretend that you don't exist. that may sound harsh, but if you are no longer my reality, you can't hurt me anymore. i also don't think it's fair for you to be able to use me for electronic company when you're bored, or lonely, or sad, or desirous. it's not fair to keep your foot in the door. for me, it's an all or nothing thing. if you don't want all of me, and all of this experience, you get nothing. that's god's model. he wants all of my heart. in turn, i give all of my heart to him and to those i love. i expect the same in return. who am i kidding? i expect it all in return, but i'll accept 20%. if you can't give even that, what's the point? that's when the healthy thing to do is cut loose.

today, something new was whispered to my heart. it was a sound, and not words... 

..."snip. snip."

oh- didn't i mention that??

You know your life is eventful and tumultuous when you quit your job and it doesn’t top the list of the most important things to blog about that week. Or the next. Wow. Now that we’ve gotten the other news out of the way…..drumroll please…..wait for it….

I quit my job.

Hmmmmmmm. Seems a little anticlimactic now, but it wasn’t then. It was a pretty dramatic decision. Dramatic, but quick. I talked to the manager over the Endoscopy Center at our hospital on Tuesday, mulled it over on Wednesday, decided to take the job Thursday, and gave my notice on Friday. The decision brought  an onslaught of emotions- some I anticipated, others I didn’t. Guilt over leaving my office mates (and leaving them with my workload when I go), sadness for turning over the program I created and developed, anxiety for our patients who may or may not have an official “advocate” when I leave,  concern over the future of the program, trepidation, anticipation, resolve…and relief.

So much relief.

This will be a half time position (oops- I forgot “fear of starving to death” in my above list) doing bedside nursing in the Endoscopy Center. I will be caring for patients and assisting with scopes and procedures. My patients will be happy (because I’m their nurse, duh!), and I’ll be happy dealing with happy patients. I will have an extra day off each week, and afternoons free from 1:30p or 2p on. I will have flexibility to help Kim or care for Cameron as her life here on earth comes to a close. I will have more time to study and do fundraising so that I can move forward in my quest to get to the mission field. I can practice living frugally in prep for the life of a missionary (um…yay?). And most of all, the hope is that I can sleep again once the frustration over what my job has become, in contrast to my vision for it and what it should be, has faded.

So much relief.

(Please join me in humming the tune to Jeopardy as we anxiously await September 21^st.)