fat, sick, and nearly dead?

fat, sick, and nearly dead...that was a title that caught my eye one night as i was browsing the hulu free documentaries to distract myself from the boredom of having my boyfriend out of town for 2 months. it resonated with me. nearly dead? well, no- of course not. sick? well, sick of being fat. and i AM fat right now. as a matter of fact, probably my fattest since quitting smoking over 10 years ago (not that i got all of that weight off, either). sigh. haven't we been down this road before? yep, and as long as you'll keep reading, i'll keep sharing these struggles and this journey. after all, i have to believe that in most ways i'm pretty average, and others are surely struggling with the same things- especially in the 40-somethings.

so i watched the documentary and it was life changing. i am not just being dramatic (this time. haha). it really was an eye opening, transformational film. it chronicles the journey of a 41 year old guy who found himself fat, out of shape, struggling with an autoimmune disorder, and staring down the reality of his own mortality who decides to go on a 60 day juice fast. okay, that is a little extreme, even for me- and i am the queen of extreme...but he did it and it saved his life. probably literally. he is off all meds, feels great, and is HOT! okay, let's be real here. that is the part that resonated with me the most- the desire to be HOT!  under all that fat, out of shape mediocrity was a much younger looking and much better looking guy. i'm all in.

monday night i watched the movie with teary-eyed admiration. tuesday i bought a juicer. so far, i haven't looked back. i can't get past the desire to chew at least some of my food, so i am juicing about 90%. i have a juice for breakfast, one for lunch, one as an afternoon snack, and another later in the evening. dinner is a large greens salad with some protein (nuts or tuna, etc...) and a little olive oil and vinegar. yay- i get to chew!! the juices are delicious and i haven't found a combination that i haven't loved, yet. today's breakfast was orange beets, grapefruit, oranges, and carrots. lunch was kale, celery, green apple, lemon, and ginger. my snack was beets, carrots, celery, lemon, orange, and basil. the combinations are endless and yummy.

how do i feel? so far, pretty darn good. let's start by saying that between the juicing and walking an hour or so a day, i have lost 6 pounds in the past 10 days. i am peeing like a racehorse (sorry- but it's true!) so try to go to bed a little earlier each night to make up for the interruption of sleep. i can tell that my neurotransmitters are firing differently now that they are getting all of these super concentrated nutrients and aren't bogged down by "junk". my dreams are vivid and crazy. my skin is glowing. my body is firming. it is all good.

is there a downside? giving up coffee (i switched to green tea or yerba mate) made me a little groggy the first couple of days and i found myself dropping things a lot as i adjusted. my energy level was also lower, probably due to a drastic decrease in processed carbs and calories overall. other than that, most of the effects have been positive. i am also not particularly hungry. i am definitely ready for my next juice by the time i can have one, but i am no hungrier (or maybe even less) than i was between solid meals. i think i may be onto something!

i challenge you to at least watch the movie and see what i found so inspiring. then visit the website fatsickandnearlydead.com to read the success stories and check out the before and after pics. there is also info on juice recipes, and how to do a "reboot". you may not end up going on a juice fast, but i bet it gets you up off your couch, moving more and eating better. my roommate already took that challenge and i have dragged her to the dark side. she likes the added bonus that when you juice, you don't have to cook. hey- whatever motivates you, right?! 

stay tuned...

 

now i can't be a thong model.

oh, the little heartbreaks in life that can't be avoided. the good news is that i am nearly healed from the brown recluse bite i battled with for the past month. yay!! but there is bad news. as so eloquently stated by one of the physicians in the department where i work, "i am so glad that the spider bite on your butt is healing up- but now you can't be a thong model." what??!!? OMG, he's right!! there is a scar there now! it is absolutely, positively, no-question-about-it true that NOW i can't be a thong model! i am SURE that is the only reason, too (sniff...whimper...sob).

i was keeping that possibility on the back burner for some extra income after retirement. sigh... back to the drawing board.

2012 resolution review- what do you think...did i keep them?!

i can't believe how fast 2012 went! it is already time to consider my new "resolutions" and review the old. i always thought those old people lamenting about how time just rockets by as you get older were exaggerating. nope! zooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.

first, let's look at last year's resolutions. the first was to implement "no lights night" once a week, and only use candles or a headlamp from 5pm on. that one went pretty well- i actually kept that resolution through may! when my roommate moved in the first of june, i didn't have the heart to tell her she couldn't use lights one night a week- at MY whim. in fairness, she'd probably do it, but i didn't want to press my luck. i need her to want to live here, since she is "plan A" for watching my  house when i move to nepal.

resolution #2 was to go on a spending hiatus during lent, not purchasing anything besides the basic necessities of food, household cleaners, toilet paper, etc... well, not only did i do that during lent, i continued throughout the rest of the year. for the first 10 months of 2012, i purchased NOTHING that wasn't a necessity (with the exception of spending money on going out to eat or the occasional movie/entertainment splurge). the last 2 months i did purchase a pair of earrings in peru and some items i'll need in nepal that i can't buy there (a northface coat, sharp knives, and a couple of long blouses that fit me) but those can be arguably "necessities", right?! not only that, i sold or donated nearly half of my belongings to make room for my roommate and her stuff, and to earn a little money for my move. so, pretty good on #2!

the nepali eating experiment was a little brutal. i have already blogged that, so won't bore you here. just suffice it to say that i completed that one with more difficulty than i anticipated. i really don't like rice!

i also managed to keep #4, which was to keep my thermostat at or under 66 degrees in the cold months. this not only helped me save money, but also helped me adjust to colder temperatures in the house. this is something i'll have to deal with in spades once i'm in nepal- there is no central heat there. at this time of year, the hospital ward gets down to 40 degrees (F) at night and not much warmer during the day. even my sleeping bag is only rated down to 45F! wow- talk about something to be thankful for here in the US! as a matter of fact, do it now. just stop, take a moment, and say a little prayer of thanks for central heat. i'll wait...

so how about 2013? what's on the resolution agenda? well, as i'm sitting here with a brown recluse bite wound that i've been battling for 20 days, a tweaked lower back from sitting cattywompas because of the bite, and a whopping cold virus, i'd say that they need to revolve around health. i am suddenly feeling my biological age and my mortality. i saw a billboard on my trip to st. louis that said "eat like your life depends on it". so wise- i need to get my healthy eating back on track. and exercise more, to strengthen my body. more yoga and meditation to ease and strengthen my mind. and guitar lessons! i have already started those. come on, some of them have to be fun!

oh- and one last one...i vow NOT to look for love in 2013. that little experiment in 2012 was a disaster (you know who you are). 'nuff said.
here we go again....

"how is your butt?" and other things people ask me at church

i can't begin to tell you how disturbing it is to have my butt be the topic of conversation. i mean, seriously... "how is your arm?" would sound so much more dignified. instead, i suffer through "how is your butt?". even at church. i must have been asked 100 times today. don't get me wrong, i am thrilled that people care about me and want to know how i'm doing. i also don't want them to feel like they can't ask. i just wish it was on my arm!

so here is the update- i think it is getting better, but it is far from healed. i have a friend (my roommate is getting of the hook on this one, and boy is she grateful!) coming once a day to pack it. that involves stuffing 2 feet of 1/2 inch wide gauze through the inch wide incision into the crater under the skin, which i estimate to be about the size of a raquetball. obviously, that is NO fun- for either of us. i have yet to figure out who's getting the worse end of the deal. before she comes, i medicate with 2 percocet, pull out the 2 feet of packing she put in there the day before, and hop in the shower to wash out the wound. then i spend the rest of the day trying to recover from the pain once the percocet wears off. at bedtime, it is 2 percocet, 800mg of ibuprofen, an ambien, and a beer. that allows me to sleep reasonably well so that i can start all over the next day. ugh.

the fevers still come and go. i am on antibiotics for the staph infection that is in the wound, but the good news is that it isn't a form of staph that is resistant to medications. it's just a run-of-the-mill bacteria, but boy it's kicking my butt! literally.

overall, it is improving. the reddened area is smaller and there is less drainage. i also no longer feel like i might die during the night. see? that's an improvement! just please pray for the drive to st. louis on the 27th. i am ringing in the new year at a mission/worship conference (urbana). it is hard to drive while staying off one side of your butt- so i am guessing it is going to hurt! i could try the percocet/beer combo, but they frown on that while driving. guess i'll just have to suck it up (shudder).

merry christmas to me... 

it finally happened- a spider tried to kill me

i need to watch what i wish for. i was just thinking, "i haven't had anything newsworthy happen in awhile. i need a good story for my blog!"...and then, as if on command, a spider tried to kill me. to be fair, i am not absolutely, positively, 100% sure it was a spider. i have no actual proof (except the aftermath) but i know they're pure evil and intuition tells me one was to blame for what i've been dealing with all week.

this all started on friday. i was spending a lazy day in my lazy boy. okay, it's from world market, but lazy boy has a nice ring to it. :0) i had been reading in my chair for a couple of hours, and when i got up i felt a burning, itchy little area at the top of my left hip/buttock. disclaimer here for anyone who's heard me tell this story using the euphamism "top of my leg". technically my butt IS the top of my leg. the VERY top of my leg!! okay, okay...my blog is a place of honesty and transparency, so goodbye to dignity-sparing descriptions. i have what i think is a spider bite (SHUDDER at the thought!!) on my butt. sigh.

at first i didn't realize it was a bite. i thought maybe the seam of my jeans had embedded in my skin from sitting in the same position for too long, and it was just an indentation that would go away. by the next morning, it was obviously a bite. it was about the size of a quarter and hot, with a hard center. if that sounds bad, fast forward to sunday when it was the size of a grapefruit! in my defense, i really thought this would go away on its own. i wasn't being avoidant because i am a nurse, although i am admittedly a better nurse than a patient. i have had these a couple of times in the past and they have always gotten worse for a day or two and then slowly resolved without any treatment. this got bad FAST! by saturday night, the left side of my butt was about 1/3 larger than the right side (oh my word, that was horrifying on so many levels), the tissue was hard as a rock, red, and hot, and i had a fever. i had to wear a skirt because i was too swollen to fit into my jeans- really! by sunday, i was actually scared. all of those stories of flesh eating bacteria and people with amputations (how do you amputate 1/2 a butt??!) came flooding into my mind. all of the ER horror stories i've told and heard were suddenly way less amusing and entertaining and way too much of a potential reality.

i called the doc on call and got some antibiotics started on sunday afternoon, and even drew a line around the edge of the wound with a marker to keep track of its progress. i doubt i needed that for reference. by the next day, the redness had spread to nearly 2 inches outside the marker line, the pain was worse, and the fever didn't budge. the nutshell is that after 8 hours worth of ER visits in 2 days, 2 liters of IV fluids, 2 doses of heavy-duty IV antibiotics, one IV start that accidentally hit an artery, 2 rounds of being cut open with a scalpel and having the wound cleaned and packed with gauze, and a visit to the surgeon, i think i am going to live. i still have a long road ahead of me and it is far from healed, but i am on the right path. the surgeon did some serious work on it in the office and said to me, "i think if you hadn't come in today, you would have been in real trouble. you would have ended up with extensive surgical debridement and loss of tissue". translation: "i would have to take you to surgery and cut a big chunk out of your butt". if they would consider taking a chunk off both sides of my butt, i might consider it. anyway...

prayers for all the doctors, nurses, and nurse practitioners that have had to see my swollen, wounded butt this week. we will ALL need healing after that. even more prayers for my roommate who will have to pack it with gauze once a day until it's all over and done. i really should add this to the lease.

the moral of the story is that once again, good prevails over evil. spiders beware!!

viva el peru!

viva el peru!

before you start saying things like “what a good person you are” and “how wonderful that you’re helping people”, let’s get one thing straight- this was not a mission trip. i know, i know. i’m a bad person… but i'm a bad person with one bucket list item crossed off! once i was accepted as a missionary to nepal, i realized that my ability to just jet around the world on fabulous vacations was about to come to an end. i also realized that if i want to get to some of my bucket list items, i need to do it now. i have saved up some money just for this purpose, and this week #1 is officially completed.

 

what an experience. this was my first foray into the continent of south america and what a foray it was. peru is absolutely beautiful- not as “undeveloped” as some of the places i’ve been, but still rough enough to be up my alley. funny, but the older i get the less i want the luxury experience and the more i want to immerse myself into the true local culture and local way of life. i even feel a little “jipped” when the hotel is too fancy. not a problem on this trip. the hotels were clean and had all the amenities (well, except hot water in the second one) but still simple and unassuming.

 

the first place we stayed was below the town of cusco, in urubamba, or the “sacred valley” (in the incan language of quechua). it touted spa services and we were exhausted after 2 days of travel, so brian and i decided to book massages to relax and unwind, and prepare ourselves for hiking machu picchu. really- you need loose muscles to make that hike. we considered it a medical necessity and not an indulgence. :0)  we needed to be done early enough to get ready for our tour group dinner, so the front desk arranged for 2 massage therapists to do them- his at 4:30p and mine at 5p. when i arrived for mine, the girl met me at the door to the massage room, cracked it open, and ushered me inside, whispering, “okay, senorita. okay.” and pointing me to the table. right next to brian’s. here we were, in a tiny room that resembled a potting shed in the back of the hotel, and evidently we were getting a couple’s massage. now, for those of you that don’t know this, brian is one of my best friends. has been for 18 years. we have never, ever (nor do we plan to) seen each other naked. ewwwwwww (sorry brian- but i’m sure you will join me in that sentiment!). it would be like seeing your brother/sister naked. it’s just not necessary. so the girl backs out of the room, the guy keeps doing brian’s massage, and i am left to disrobe and crawl onto the other bed. to his credit, he kept his head turned the other way, but that didn’t muffle the snickering. the rest of the massage was pretty ridiculous. he was laying on what looked like a wood pallet with a pillow on it, and my bed was about 4 feet long. they were no more than 4 inches apart, max, and my massage therapist had to keep pushing my bed side to side to get around me during the massage. at one point she got stuck in a eucalyptus tree in the corner near the head of my bed and the rustling and sounds of a struggle nearly drowned out our laughing.  it was not the most relaxing massage i've ever had, but it was certainly the most random!

interesting little fun fact: peru grows over 3,000 varieties of potatoes. (see? i listened during the tour).

 

machu picchu. wow. if this isn’t on your bucket list, you need to put it there. it was absolutely spectacular. those incas were some truly innovative and resourceful people, and the ruins are amazing. you can only access the ancient city by foot- oh how I wish I had the time to hike in via the inca trail! there are no roads for cars or buses. we took an excursion train to the town below, a bus to the trailhead, and then hiked the rest of the way in. when we got to the top of the stairs (endless stairs), the view took my breath away. well, it could have been the nearly 8,000 foot elevation, too. either way, it is something i will never forget. as a group we had a 2 hour tour and walked the ruins. then we had lunch on our own and were left to explore. about 8 of us decided to head back up the mountain and head down the backside on a narrow mountain path that hugs the cliff face and leads to the “inca bridge”. we had to sign in and out at that trailhead and found out later that this is the area where the majority of deaths occur from plummeting  down the mountainside. i guess this is so they know where to start looking when you don’t show up at the end of the day.  the bridge was terrifying and thankfully closed. i am phobic of heights but am crazier (or more stubborn) than i am chicken, so would have found it necessary to try to cross it, had it been open. chances are i would have gotten stranded partway across, paralyzed and unable to go forward or turn around. i am SO happy i wasn’t allowed to find out. it was about 2 foot wide and made of stacked logs spanning a 20 or 30 yard long section of cliff face. cliff to the left, nothing to the right. this led to steps carved into the stone of the cliff, leading back up the opposite mountain. all of this Is about 1,000 feet above the valley/river below. i think the moment we reached that bridge was the highlight of this trip. have i mentioned that i love my life?!

  
                 

 

 

 

there was so much more to this trip that i don’t have time or space to get into, in detail… there was shopping at a market where the locals shop, eating alpaca (tastes like lamb) and guinea pig (i liked mouse better), touring ruins in cusco, visiting the “white Christ” which is a replica of the one in rio, brazil, watching shows featuring traditional dances and music, having dinner in a local family’s home, visiting a shop where they taught us how to distinguish clothing made from “baby alpaca” vs. adult alpaca or “maybe alpaca” (the baby is much softer and cool to the touch), participating in a cooking demonstration and then getting to eat the results (called causa), going to a local cemetery, witnessing a blessing by a kichwa shaman, touring the catholic cathedral, losing my credit card (ugh), doing a city wide tour in lima- all amazing (except losing my credit card). peru has a rich culture and warm, friendly people.

 

trust me. get your pencil and add this one to your bucket list.

 

oh kim, this is wrong. i should be writing this to you 45 years from now, when i'm 89 and you are (were) 97- after having danced yourself to death in the nursing home singles "mixer" on a sunny sunday afternoon. that was my plan. why do you always mess up my perfectly reasonable plans?