happiness is...

happiness is...
kenya 2010

Saturday, August 18, 2012

looking for the bright side

the week before last was a rough week. on monday, i had to put my dog to sleep. on that following sunday, my stepmom died. like i said, it was a rough week.

i recently had a good friend say to me, "i don't think i've ever known anyone who has suffered so many significant losses in such a short period of time." this wasn't comforting, considering my friend is a psychologist specializing in depression, and has studied hundreds if not thousands of depressed people. that is definitely a distinction i wish i could trade in for one more fun or glamorous. truth is, he's right. in the past 2 years, i have lost both cats, my dogs thor and xena, my mom, my first love (see blog post entitled "time to be authentic"), and my stepmom. my sister kim is also dying. as much as i hate to say that out loud, not saying it won't make it less true. before this year is over, i will probably have lost her too.

i try to tell myself that it isn't about me, but that's not exactly true. death is not really about the dying. it's more about the ones left behind. the dying will finally be healed. we are told that there are no tears in heaven. not so, on earth. while the dying are finally healed of everything that was broken in this life, their loved ones are still broken...and more so, because of their loss. so, while it isn't really about me, it is. how many times can a heart break in 2 years? why do i have to be the one to find out? they say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. by now, i should be the strongest woman on earth.

i am always one that's able to find a bright side in every situation- a silver lining, so to speak. it has been tough this time. the thought that my life is clearing out of everything and everyone i love, and that the lack of "roots" will make it easier to move away, doesn't quite seem like a bright side.

for now, it's all i've got.


  1. No, the lack of roots will not make it easier to move away. The only thing that lessens the pain is temporal distance, and there's no shortcut through that until we find or invent wormholes...and even if you could jump into the future, you'd be carrying fresh pain with you. Blargh. I'm sorry. Hugs to you.

    Someday the pain won't be as fresh. Life marches on, and it's the greatest comfort and the cruelest joke, all at once.

  2. Karin,
    Oh, so sorry for ALL of your losses. Losing a mom and a sister in a couple of years really got to me. I love my sister (Angie) to pieces. You are making me tear up.

    You are always one to write in a way to stir emotions. It is so fun to ride this ride with you through your writing, even if it is sad sometimes.

    I praise God that you are one of HIS chosen. May He fill you with HIS presence and peace. THE bright side is in the heavens.