happiness is...

happiness is...
kenya 2010

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

i can finally do anything a guy can do. well, almost.

i love being a woman. i am not one of those people that daydreams about how great life would be if only i was born into different circumstances. i don't think my life is unfair, and i don't wish that i had been born someone else- especially a male someone else. i really love being a woman. i think we get away with things guys don't get away with (like going 90 mph in a 40 on a country road when we're 21), get bonuses they don't get (like a free $2000 roof upgrade, or an insulated garage door for the cruddy non-insulated door price), and can often charm/wriggle/manipulate our way into or out of a ridiculous plethora of situations that men can't. sorry guys- that's just life, and i love every girly minute of it. the only real advantage that i see in being a guy is the ability to pee standing up. 

today, i thought i had that one all figured out. thanks to amazon.com, i had the promise of being the ultimate man-girl. (enter stage left) the "extreme shewee. the portable urinating device for women." oh yeah....

so let's get this straight. i did not purchase the shewee to be more like a guy, or even to add one more advantage to this already blessed life i live. that was just going to be a bonus. i ordered it because i have had 3 knee surgeries and am moving to a country where all of the "toilets" are basically squat holes in the ground...which, of course, are surrounded by all the stuff that missed the squat holes when the other people were using them. i actually cannot get up from a full squat without pushing up off the ground, and i do not want to touch what i have seen on the ground in nepal. the shewee seemed like a no-brainer. if i can pee standing up, i will eliminate about 90% of the elimination squatting each and every day. woohoooooo! oh, what an interesting life i lead. 

the shewee kind of came with instructions. unfortunately, i didn't read them until after attempt #1. to be fair, they mostly said things like "adjust the amount of pressure you apply and the angle based on your body." well duh. what i didn't realize is that the time to experiment with the amount of pressure and the angle is not DURING attempt #1. it is kind of like learning to drive a car as a teenager- when your reflexes are fast, but you don't know what to do with them so you compensate, and then overcompensate, until you've crashed and burned. or dripped and drizzled. oh yike. i won't give any more details (you are very welcome) except to say that after i threw my jeans and the bathroom rug into the washer, i read those brief little instructions and noted the ones that say, "practice in the shower to find the position that is best for you." that reads like a proverb to me, now. note to self for attempt #2!

so now i can finally do anything a guy can do. well, almost.

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