back to online dating- just for your amusement!

so, by now you know i'm an eternal optimist. or a fool. i prefer optimist and this is my blog, so i'll go with that.

i know i've had some dreadful online dating experiences (reference past blog posts. haha), but i am always one to play the odds. odds are that it's bound to get better, right? between that assumption and a recent request from a friend to post something humorous as opposed to "deep" this next round, i decided to take one for the team and go back on the online sites. i signed up for "christian mingle" and went back to browse "plenty of fish" which was a site i frequented before. actually, that was the one where i found the guy with 2 fiancees and 19 women who thought they were his girlfriend. wow. i really am optimistic.

christian mingle is fine but a little slow. the nice thing is that it is a christian site so not everyone is just trying to "hook up". plenty of fish, on the other hand, was sending me matches of folks that i am sure i wouldn't be attracted to in real life. i am not being harsh or judgemental, but we all have our preferences and the things that we find attractive, and these didn't fall into those categories. there was an option to go to a set of profiles and "rate" the pictures so the matching software would know what i prefer and send me matches based on those preferences. well, there was one out of the first 20 that was a "hit" so i rated him high. much to my surprise, it sent him an email telling him i wanted to meet. oops! i decided to throw caution to the wind and go with it. a friend and i were supposed to meet for dinner after my KC class last sunday but she had the nerve to have a baby and canceled on me. since i was going to be dining alone and he lives in KC, i asked if he wanted to join me. he did.

the nutshell was that he was handsome, well dressed, intelligent, educated, professional, interesting, and interested. overall, a pretty darn good date! i regained my hope in online matching potential. he did try to land a kiss in the parking lot, but i'm not that kind of first date girl- so i did a polite swerve and leaned in for the hug. after the date, he texted that evening and called the next day to talk for a few minutes. today we exchanged a text or two and made plans for a phone call this evening after getting home from all the "stuff" we had planned.

then i got the other text. "hey babe, i'm good either way, but i'm going to plan on picking up food and heading over unless you tell me you want to go out."... did i mention that he was NOT heading to my house? he sent that text to the wrong girl. it was followed by "my bad. sorry."

awkward! and back to square one.

yike...

what to do when your date asks out the waitress...

i can't make this stuff up. seriously.


i was going to blog about the nepali eating experiment- how i fared, insights i gained, foods i've gorged on since stopping the insanity (no, i actually haven't gone to la familia, yet), etc... however a situation has come to light that necessitates me changing course and talking about a completely different topic. that topic is: "my new year's eve date asked out the waitress."

let's start at the beginning. i met my new year's eve date online, on a dating site called okcupid.com. i know, i know- i've sworn off online dating before, but this site matches you based on your responses to questions and you're practically GUARAN-flippin-TEED to hit it off!! i took my time getting gussied up, since he was a guaranteed great match. i wanted to make a good impression.

the base outfit

finishing touches in place. pretty and flirty, but not over the top

so i arrive at the restaurant, and it is immediately evident that his pictures are about 10 years old (and blurry) so we're not off to a good start. i am mature enough to not judge a book by the cover, though, and am still prepared to have a lovely evening with interesting adult conversation at the very least. we sit down to dinner (i leave the sweater on) and he immediately looks at my chest and says, "i won't hear a thing you say all night because i'll be staring at those." classy. there was still a remote possibility that he was not a complete jerk and only very inappropriate and socially awkward, until he opened his mouth again. this time he asked if i had been cleaning the house all day so that i could bring home an overnight guest. (sigh). i am very diplomatic- often way TOO diplomatic- so must have come across as unsure of myself when i assured him that i was going home alone that night, because the next 5 comments over 10 minutes were filled with innuendo mixed with blantant requests, all regarding a sleep-over. i gave up most attempts at conversation and tried to enjoy a pretty yummy dinner at genovese. when i tuned in to what he was saying, he was generally slamming women and the entire dating process. he was a charmer, let me tell you! i gave it one last try and suggested we go somewhere different for coffee and dessert, in case there was carbon monoxide or something in the air at the restaurant causing him to lose his mind and his manners. we walked the 3 blocks to pachamama's, where he proceeded to ogle the waitress. not discreetly, but very obviously. he followed her every move with not only his eyes, but his whole head. he began showing her pictures of his son on his phone and calling her by name. she and i were both completely creeped out and about 20 minutes into coffee i said it was time to go and we headed for our cars. my NY eve date was over by 6:45p. during the walk back, he started grilling me about the location of the restaurant (he's from KC), what the name of it was, etc... when i got to my car, i sent a text asking "were you trying to pinpoint the location of the restaurant so you could go back and ask out the waitress?!" to which he replied, "LOL!! no! of course not!"

guess what?

last week i was again at pachamamas waiting on a date to arrive. this one was a second date, and with a man much cuter and sweeter than the last. as i sat there, i looked at the waitress and mused over my disastrous NY eve. finally i got up the nerve to say, "i was here a couple of weeks ago with a date. did he come back and ask you out?" oh yes, he did, and he creeped her out beyond measure. i apologized for bringing him to her restaurant in the first place, and she thanked me for asking because it bothered her a lot seeing me and not knowing if i knew. needless to say, my date that night was much better...and on the way out the door, i whispered to the waitress, with a wink, "sorry, but this one thinks i'm cuter."

i could have let it go, but that's just not my style. the next day, i texted el-creepo and simply said, "don't know which is worse- that you're classless enough to ask out the waitress on our date, or cowardly enough to lie about it. wow. please don't bother to reply. i am taking you out of my phone."

the response? (parentheses are my thoughts)..."that's a tough one because while i did go back, i chickened out of actually asking her out (lie). she is stunning, though, isn't she? (really???) but alas i think she was too young and i didn't want to embarrass myself...so i'd have to go with classless since the intent was there. but you made it clear that there was no future for us because of your hut dwelling aspirations (wow) so why do you even care...and finally, although you are an amazing person, and i told her that (gee thanks!!), i wasn't really physically attracted to you (even though you asked me to take you home 17 times?) because i tend to be attracted to, well, women built like the waitress. would you have preferred i said 'hey i'm not into you- do you mind if i stay and try to snag the waitress?' (um, no...i prefer that you not act like a jackass and ask the waitress out at ALL). anyway, take care and godspeed in your travels...hope you find all the happiness you deserve."

happy new year!

dating...just got WORSE!?!

OH WOW! that's all i have to say. well, of course that's not all i have to say- but it's a start. tonight i was going to post about our awesome superhero team that emerged victorious from the st. louis "warrior dash" this weekend, but that's going to have to wait. don't worry. i will get to it soon...complete with photos. tonight, however, i want to revisit the dating scene.

i promised in an earlier blog post that i was over it. dating, that is. specifically online dating. truth is that i was almost over it. i have to admit that i continued to dabble just a little bit, convinced that there had to be some redeeming quality that i had missed. i started a conversation a few weeks ago with a guy that seemed pretty decent. he had a lot to learn about communication, namely listening , but he made up for it by being intelligent and interesting while he was droning on about himself and his life. he also had a super sexy voice, which didn't hurt (haha). i wasn't convinced that we would make a great match, but he was...and he started to convince me that maybe he was onto something. he is a major in the army, and currently stationed in alaska, but is scheduled to come back to kansas in a few weeks. during our nightly phone conversations, he would ask that i give him a chance. he told me how much he enjoyed my company and how excited he was to meet me face to face. he even offered to fly me to alaska so that i could make the drive back with him when he made the move. every time i would voice a concern about some of our differences, or our values, he would assure me that we were much more the same than different and that we would complement each other beautifully. he became more attentive, and started to ask questions and to listen. he started to work his way under my skin a little bit. i started to believe that he found me beautiful, funny, sexy, intelligent, interesting, sweet, good-hearted, etc... i even let myself begin to hope that maybe, just maybe, i'd finally get to a second date. i should have probably waited until i had the first one under my belt before i got that optimistic. anyway...

this weekend, as i said earlier, i was in st. louis competing in the warrior dash. he sent me a few texts, encouraging me and letting me know he was thinking about me. that was sweet, actually. after the "dash" i cleaned up and decided to pull out my phone and text him an update, letting him know i survived. before i did, i caught sight of an email with a subject line reading "the real heath h." any guesses who it was from?

his fiancee.

the best part was that it was addressed to me and 18 other women, all of whom were having some kind of relationship with him. according to his fiancee, the list wasn't comprehensive- she just stopped reading after the first 19 because she was afraid she'd vomit if she read more. that morning (while i was "dashing"), he was laying in bed with her planning their wedding. he left her house (where he LIVES) and left his email up on her computer. because of a prior online indescretion he'd had with another woman, she didn't fully trust him and she gave in to the urge to snoop his in/outbox. i don't condone that for one second, but thank god she did! she found that he had been emailing naked photos to women, and they had been reciprocating. he had been flying women to alaska to have sex with him when she was out of town for work. he told most of them (i guess i should use "us" since i am not excluded from the list of women dumb enough to get sucked in) that he loved them and couldn't wait to start a life with them. some, like one woman whom he had been involved with for 4 years, already thought they were sharing a life together. these are smart, accomplished, successful women, too. we are a nurse, a microbiologist, a cardiology fellow, and more... and we are all reduced to some guy's sick fantasy. it is truly humbling to realize that no matter how smart and independent you are, you can still be suckered- especially in matters of the heart.

today i went on the dating website where we met to see if he had removed his profile. it is still there, but the pictures are gone. now instead of being 6'3", he says he is 5'2". instead of blonde hair, suddenly it is black. no longer from kansas, his profile says he's from colorado springs. he removed "military" from the profession box, but that may be true once  his fiancee gets done with him. it seems he's still on the hunt. beware ladies! i will protect his privacy (though he certainly didn't protect any of ours) and will only use first names- but check with me before dating anyone named heath, and stay away from Sabot1 on plentyoffish.com. 

it's good that i love a great story, or this kind of thing could get me down...