happiness is...

happiness is...
kenya 2010

Friday, January 27, 2012

what to do when your date asks out the waitress...

i can't make this stuff up. seriously.


i was going to blog about the nepali eating experiment- how i fared, insights i gained, foods i've gorged on since stopping the insanity (no, i actually haven't gone to la familia, yet), etc... however a situation has come to light that necessitates me changing course and talking about a completely different topic. that topic is: "my new year's eve date asked out the waitress."

let's start at the beginning. i met my new year's eve date online, on a dating site called okcupid.com. i know, i know- i've sworn off online dating before, but this site matches you based on your responses to questions and you're practically GUARAN-flippin-TEED to hit it off!! i took my time getting gussied up, since he was a guaranteed great match. i wanted to make a good impression.


the base outfit

finishing touches in place. pretty and flirty, but not over the top

so i arrive at the restaurant, and it is immediately evident that his pictures are about 10 years old (and blurry) so we're not off to a good start. i am mature enough to not judge a book by the cover, though, and am still prepared to have a lovely evening with interesting adult conversation at the very least. we sit down to dinner (i leave the sweater on) and he immediately looks at my chest and says, "i won't hear a thing you say all night because i'll be staring at those." classy. there was still a remote possibility that he was not a complete jerk and only very inappropriate and socially awkward, until he opened his mouth again. this time he asked if i had been cleaning the house all day so that i could bring home an overnight guest. (sigh). i am very diplomatic- often way TOO diplomatic- so must have come across as unsure of myself when i assured him that i was going home alone that night, because the next 5 comments over 10 minutes were filled with innuendo mixed with blantant requests, all regarding a sleep-over. i gave up most attempts at conversation and tried to enjoy a pretty yummy dinner at genovese. when i tuned in to what he was saying, he was generally slamming women and the entire dating process. he was a charmer, let me tell you! i gave it one last try and suggested we go somewhere different for coffee and dessert, in case there was carbon monoxide or something in the air at the restaurant causing him to lose his mind and his manners. we walked the 3 blocks to pachamama's, where he proceeded to ogle the waitress. not discreetly, but very obviously. he followed her every move with not only his eyes, but his whole head. he began showing her pictures of his son on his phone and calling her by name. she and i were both completely creeped out and about 20 minutes into coffee i said it was time to go and we headed for our cars. my NY eve date was over by 6:45p. during the walk back, he started grilling me about the location of the restaurant (he's from KC), what the name of it was, etc... when i got to my car, i sent a text asking "were you trying to pinpoint the location of the restaurant so you could go back and ask out the waitress?!" to which he replied, "LOL!! no! of course not!"

guess what?

last week i was again at pachamamas waiting on a date to arrive. this one was a second date, and with a man much cuter and sweeter than the last. as i sat there, i looked at the waitress and mused over my disastrous NY eve. finally i got up the nerve to say, "i was here a couple of weeks ago with a date. did he come back and ask you out?" oh yes, he did, and he creeped her out beyond measure. i apologized for bringing him to her restaurant in the first place, and she thanked me for asking because it bothered her a lot seeing me and not knowing if i knew. needless to say, my date that night was much better...and on the way out the door, i whispered to the waitress, with a wink, "sorry, but this one thinks i'm cuter."

i could have let it go, but that's just not my style. the next day, i texted el-creepo and simply said, "don't know which is worse- that you're classless enough to ask out the waitress on our date, or cowardly enough to lie about it. wow. please don't bother to reply. i am taking you out of my phone."

the response? (parentheses are my thoughts)..."that's a tough one because while i did go back, i chickened out of actually asking her out (lie). she is stunning, though, isn't she? (really???) but alas i think she was too young and i didn't want to embarrass myself...so i'd have to go with classless since the intent was there. but you made it clear that there was no future for us because of your hut dwelling aspirations (wow) so why do you even care...and finally, although you are an amazing person, and i told her that (gee thanks!!), i wasn't really physically attracted to you (even though you asked me to take you home 17 times?) because i tend to be attracted to, well, women built like the waitress. would you have preferred i said 'hey i'm not into you- do you mind if i stay and try to snag the waitress?' (um, no...i prefer that you not act like a jackass and ask the waitress out at ALL). anyway, take care and godspeed in your travels...hope you find all the happiness you deserve."

happy new year!

12 comments:

  1. What happend to the guy you were on the second date with?

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  2. ahhhh good question, anonymous! ;) we've now been on a third and a fourth. so far, no sign of a wife or fiancee, and he hasn't asked out a single other woman while out with me. this may have promise! lucky for him, the bar's been set pretty low. lol!

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  3. Love is a curious thing. It must be quite a powerful thing to make us willing to put up with such bad dates! Cracks me up! As a divorced online dater I have some funny ones for sure. I think I may start my own blog.......

    p.s. I admire your hut dwelling aspirations

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  4. Funny story Karin. There are many fish in the sea.

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  5. Only you Karin can this happen to. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard and that's face it funny dating experiences. I am very glad I'm married and don't have to go through the dating thing. Good luck in you quest. But, remember apostle Paul thought being single was the best thing in life. Lisa

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  6. George W from Cary, NCJanuary 28, 2012 at 11:34 AM

    I truly wonder what it is about internet dating (full disclosure: I have not done it and met my current sweetie through a friend) that seems to bring out the inner troll of so many men? I have heard these stories so many times from female friends. On the other hand, I have a couple of decent male friends who have dared internet dating and were taken aback by the aggressive sexuality of the women they ended up meeting. What ever happened to simple courtesy, decency, and the perfectly reasonable expectation that there should be a long road between introduction and a sexual encounter that would be candidate for inclusion in a porn site? Am I missing something here?

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  7. George W from Cary, NCJanuary 28, 2012 at 11:36 AM

    BTW, I admire your courage in going there, Karin. Don't lose sight of the fact that you are a unique, beautiful and powerful woman. There are not many men who go for that type of woman, but when you find him, you will have a real MAN worthy of you.

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  8. Wow. That's hilariously unbelievable.

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  9. I think u were way too polite on your NYE date. I think u provided 3 or 4 opportunities to get up & walk out on him in the middle of dinner & in the middle of coffee/ desert. I think the cab driver on the way home would be way more interesting to talk with.

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  10. Sounds like 2012 is a great year for you! How many dates/guys did it take for you to find your current beau? Sounds like at least two. Where did you meet him? I can't even get one date! Are there any nice handsome men left in the Lawrence area? I prefer educated and employed! Do I ask for too much?

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  11. george- i just re-read your comment; "Don't lose sight of the fact that you are a unique, beautiful and powerful woman. There are not many men who go for that type of woman..." i think you're right. how very sad! i am in big trouble. lol....

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  12. and hilary- don't take dating advice from me. see my most recent post (lol). one piece of advice you should probably heed is this- be careful with internet dating. while it has its upside and opens up your exposure to different people you would never get a chance to meet otherwise, there are also a LOT of broken people on there. most of them don't even know they are broken unitl they start getting involved and start to care for someone again (my current "beau" included). then the past hurts start to surface. i don't think they mean to be misleading but there are a lot of people on the rebound who should be taking more time to heal before looking for a relationship.

    good luck to you in your search!

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