happiness is...

happiness is...
kenya 2010

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

what's not to like?

today was not a good day.

it's always hard to sit and hear someone tell you things that they don't like about what you're doing, or how you're acting. what's even worse is to sit there and listen to them tell you that they basically don't like who you are, or how you are, in general. i have a friend- and yes, i consider her a friend- who did just that today. she sat and listed off all the things that are bothering her about me and about our interaction in a mutual team/project that we participate in weekly. what hit home is that the things she mentioned are not things that i can change unless i change the very core of my personality. at the very least, i have to act in ways that are completely contrary to my nature. to please her, i have to be less "me". WAY less "me". the other alternative is to continue to be myself, knowing that i am stepping on her toes, offending her, and making her uncomfortable as a result. that isn't a good option, either. i have never liked conflict and prefer for everyone to get along. the phrase "don't worry, be happy" could have been coined just for me. because of that, i am not comfortable continuing to be a source of irritation and insecurity for her intentionally. this has left me in an incredibly difficult spot- one in which i can only be true to myself or true to someone else, but can't do both simultaneously. i hate that. i really hate that. so today, i am praying for clarity.

i just want to thank debbie, who had no idea the kind of day i had, but who met me at my jeep after work with a container of homemade chicken noodle soup "just because". no gesture could have been sweeter or more appreciated. it's nice to know someone loves me just the way i am....

4 comments:

  1. I love you.
    Kathy

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  2. awwwwww- thank you. i love you, too. :0)

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  3. It does not sound much like constructive criticism to me. A true friend would tell you things you need to hear, not "you don't need to exist, or at least you need to get the hell out of my space, or change who you are in the core of your being. Have a nice day." Karin, I got out of a marriage of 37 years because I finally had enough of being made to feel that my very being is in some way defective. Run from this person. He/she has the potential to destroy you.

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  4. wasn't able to read this until now. im sorry that this happened to you. you are the most confident, courageous, levelheaded, driven, goal oriented , non selfish person i know. You cant define a good day without having one of these days. Dont let one opinion make a scratch in your "core". I'm surprised that you didnt call & want to talk about this. Know this. I'm always around. Even if i'm doing something right at that moment, you can text me: "call me. important" & I will.

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